


To Feel You Slip Away

by Ice_Queen784



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Affairs, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexuality, Cheating, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Infidelity, Lies, M/M, Marriage, Mild Smut, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-11-17 15:27:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18101273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ice_Queen784/pseuds/Ice_Queen784
Summary: Phineas is Charity's soulmate. She can feel everything he does. So she can feel it when he starts lying to her. She can feel it when he starts cheating on her. But worst of all, she can feel it when he starts to slip away from her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Whisper Of Your Touch](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13705221) by [SilverLynxx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverLynxx/pseuds/SilverLynxx). 



> First, I would like to thank SilverLynxx for letting me use their soulmates concept. Second, I would like to formally apologize to Charity Barnum.

Charity lay in bed alone on a chilly November night. She lived in a nice enough house to keep out the cold, but she still felt frozen without Phineas there to hold her. He had told her he had to go out of town for some kind of business meeting, but he didn’t tell her what it was for or why he had to spend the night there. A little voice told her his story was a lie, but she tried her best not to listen to it. He wouldn’t lie to her, would he? 

 

Surely he knew better. She was his soulmate. She felt what he felt. And her connection with Phineas was stronger than most soulmates. Maybe it came from years of only being able to wish they were together when they slept in beds thousands of miles apart. Maybe it came from Charity’s inherently strong intuition. But whatever the case, her senses were stronger than most. She couldn’t just feel what he felt. If she focused hard enough, she could hear what he heard, and smell what he smelled. Sometimes, if she closed her eyes, she could even see what he saw, although the vision was always a little hazy. 

 

Charity wasn’t trying to focus on what Phineas was doing. She could feel his nervousness, but she tried to convince herself it was about the meeting. Still, he had told her he was going alone, and he was most certainly not. She could feel his laughter, as though he was talking to someone. A few times she even felt a hand on her shoulder or her arm. She tried again to tell herself that it was just the business meeting. But she knew deep down it couldn’t be. It was well past midnight. No business meeting would be going on this late.

 

She tried her best to ignore Phineas’s feelings and go to sleep. And she almost succeeded. But then she felt a sudden wave of arousal. And then a soft but sensual touch. She felt a man’s lips on hers. She felt the kiss grow more passionate. She felt clothes being removed. But she wasn’t really the one feeling any of this. Phineas was. 

 

She felt what he did as he undressed this other man and laid him down on a bed. She felt a strong wave of pleasure as he thrusted into him. She felt this other man’s body move against Phineas. Then she felt a tear fall down her cheek as she started to cry. She wondered if Phineas felt her tears. Her devastation. Or if he was too wrapped up in his own pleasure to notice. 

 

Charity wasn’t sure she wanted to know who he was sleeping with, but she had to find out. The man’s hands felt all too familiar. So she closed her eyes and focused. Suddenly, she heard a moan.

 

“Phineas, fuck.” The voice sounded familiar, but she couldn’t immediately place it. 

 

She focused harder. She could see the blurry form of a naked man lying on his stomach. His head was turned so she could see his face. And although the image never became completely clear, it soon became clear enough for her to recognize the face. 

 

“Phillip,” Phineas moaned. 

 

Charity could have opened her eyes, but she didn’t. Instead, she saw what Phineas saw when he lifted his head slightly. And she recognized Phillip’s bedroom. She had seen it once when they’d had dinner at his apartment. 

 

She wanted to look away. To open her eyes and pretend none of this was happening. But she couldn’t. Instead, she watched how Phillip bucked in pleasure underneath her husband. She heard Phillip moan Phineas’s name, and heard Phineas moan Phillip’s back. She felt the Phineas’s pleasure as he moved inside Phillip. 

 

Instinctively, she felt her hand move up her nightgown. She moved her panties aside and started touching herself. She did her best to pretend Phineas was making love to her. She moaned his name and arched her back in pleasure, pretending he was with her. She heard Phineas tell Phillip he loved him, but pretended he was saying it to her. She felt Phineas’s orgasm, which was soon followed by her own. 

 

When they were finished, she finally opened her eyes. Then, she started sobbing. He had lied to her. He had cheated on her. And it hurt. 

 

Charity had known since she and Phineas were teenagers that he was bisexual. Back then, it had only made her want to be with him more. It made marrying him seem even more rebellious against the society she came from. She knew he had slept with other men before, but not since he had married her. 

 

She felt so betrayed. He had lied to her about everything. He wasn’t even out of town. He was at Phillip’s apartment. She had trusted Phillip. She’d thought of him as a friend. How could he sleep with her husband?

 

Everything about this hurt. But what hurt the most was that Phineas had told Phillip he loved him. She had heard it. And he sounded like he meant it. How could he do this to her? He was her soulmate. Didn’t he love her? Charity’s heart broke as she came to the conclusion that perhaps he didn’t. 

 

*****

 

Charity dreaded Phineas coming home the next day. What was she supposed to say to him? Should she confront him? Should she pretend nothing happened? She didn’t want to do either of those. So she decided to ignore him as much as possible. 

 

When he got home, she was in the sitting room reading a book. Caroline and Helen were upstairs playing.

 

“I’m home.” He called. Charity reluctantly put her book down and walked out to the main entrance to face him. The girls ran downstairs excitedly.

 

“Daddy!”

 

“You’re back!”

 

Phineas knelt down to hug the girls as they squealed happily. Charity just stood off to the side, watching. 

 

“I missed you girls so much.” He told them. 

 

When he stood up, he walked over to Charity. He pulled her into his arms.

 

“I missed you, Chairy.” 

 

He tried to kiss her, but she pulled away. He was lying and she knew it. She was the furthest thing from his mind last night.

 

“No you didn’t.” She replied sadly.

 

“What are you talking about?” 

 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

 

She turned and walked upstairs to the bedroom. Phineas came up to put his things away. He tried to talk to her, but she wouldn’t reply. Eventually, he gave up and left.

 

She didn’t talk to him all day, no matter how many times he tried. And she avoided him as best she could. Avoiding him was harder than she hoped. He was trying so desperately to get her to talk to him. He somehow seemed to have no idea what was wrong. All she felt from him was hurt and confusion. 

 

That night, she was already in bed pretending to be asleep when Phineas walked in the bedroom. When he crawled into bed, he tried to take her in his arms, but she pushed him away. 

 

“Charity, what is going on?” He asked, exasperated. “Please talk to me.”

 

She sighed. She couldn’t avoid him anymore. She had to confront him.

 

“I know you cheated on me last night.” She confessed.

 

“Chairy, honey, I would never do that to you. I love y-,”

 

“Don’t you dare say you love me.” She turned over to face him, tears welling up in her eyes. “I know you cheated on me last night. I felt it. I felt you sleep with Phillip. I heard you moaning each other’s names. You weren’t even out of town. You were at his apartment.”

 

She burst into tears. How could he do this to her? She just couldn’t understand. 

 

“Charity, I’m sorry.” He wiped a tear from her face. 

 

“You told him you love him.” She cried. “I heard it.”

 

“I didn’t mean it.” He denied. “I was just, it, I don’t know. It was just something I said in the throes of pleasure.”

 

“Phin, you’ve told me you love me many times while we were having sex.” She remarked. “Did you mean it then, or was it just something you said in the throes of pleasure?”

 

“I do love you.” He insisted. 

 

“If you love me, then why did you sleep with Phillip?” She asked.

 

“I don’t know.” He admitted. 

 

“Phin, I need to know why.” She cried. He pulled her into his arms and she finally let him. “Why did you cheat on me?”

 

“I don’t know. But I’m so sorry.” He told her again. “Will you ever be able to forgive me?”

 

“I shouldn’t.” She sobbed into his chest. “I should throw you out and tell you never to come back. But I can’t. I love you.”

 

“I love you too, Chairy.” He planted a soft kiss in her hair. “I really do.”

 

“Phineas, can you promise me you’ll never do it again?”

 

“I promise.” He held her a little tighter. “I promise I will never cheat on you again.”

 

Charity had never felt less like Phineas would keep his promise. His feelings were so muddled, she couldn’t tell if he meant it or not. She could feel guilt, confusion, uncertainty, and a million other things. For once, she had no idea what was going on in his head.

 

Usually, she could feel a connection between them. But that night, it felt more like distance. She could feel him slipping away from her. And that hurt more than anything. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! :)

Charity knew that night that Phineas wouldn’t keep his promise. But that didn’t make it hurt any less when he broke it. There were many nights she laid alone in bed, feeling her husband making love to Phillip. And everytime, she could feel him slip away a little more. And she could feel his feelings for Phillip grow.

One night, she accompanied Phineas to the circus. Before the show, she found Phillip backstage. She wasn’t sure confronting Phillip was a good idea. But she had to let him know she knew what was going on. And she had to let him know exactly what he was doing to her.

“Phillip,” she called as she approached him.

“Charity, what are you doing back here?” He forced a smile, but she could tell he was uneasy. Deep down, he had to know she knew, right?

“May I have a word with you in private?” She asked.

“Oh, um, yeah, sure. Of course.” His smile wavered, and so did his voice. “Let’s go upstairs.”

He led her upstairs to the office he shared with Phineas. She felt weird being in here. There had been an afternoon a few weeks ago where, caught up in a whirlwind of heat and passion, Phineas had bent Phillip over his desk and made love to him.

“Phillip, I know everything.” Charity got straight to the point. “I know what you and my husband have been doing.”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about. I-,”

“Don’t try that. I’m his soulmate.” She felt some twisted sense of joy in sticking Phillip’s nose in the fact that she was Phineas’s soulmate, not him. “I feel everything he does. When you have sex with him, I can feel it. And hear it. And see it.”

“You can hear and see it?”

“Yes. My connection with Phineas is stronger than most soulmates.” She smirked. “I know exactly what you sound like moaning my husbands name. I know what you look like naked. You’re rather well-endowed, if I might add.”

Phillip blushed and looked down at the floor.

“Charity, I-I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.” He replied. “I can stop. I can put an end to this.”

“No, you can’t. And I’m not asking you to.” She shook her head. “I know that once Phineas makes up his mind that he wants something, there’s no changing it. And he wants you. As much as I might wish he didn’t, he does. I can feel it. He loves you.”

“Charity, if you didn’t come to ask me to stop, why are you here?”

“I’m just here to take your knife out of my back. I thought your chest would be a better place for it.” She gave him an evil smile. “I know you love my husband. I know you want him for yourself. But you’ll never get that. Because I’m his soulmate. Not you.”

She could tell her words hurt from the tears welling up in his eyes. And that was all she had really wanted. To hurt him like he and Phineas had hurt her.

*****

Phineas didn’t stop seeing Phillip after that night. Charity knew he wouldn’t. It still hurt her to feel them together, but it made her feel a little better to know she had planted the seeds of hurt and uncertainty into Phillip. Her words had left an impact on Phillip. She could hear it in the way he spoke to Phineas, and she could feel it in the way he kissed him.

But she had bigger problems now than Phillip. Phineas had met someone else. A beautiful young singer named Jenny Lind. They called her the Swedish Nightingale. And she had one of the most incredible voices Charity had ever heard. Everything about her was captivating. And she could tell Phineas felt the same way.

She had felt the first sparks of attraction to Jenny appear when he met her in London. She had only felt those sparks intensify in the weeks that passed. At her concert in New York City, she felt those sparks finally explode into flames. He had fallen for Jenny.

Now, he was leaving to tour the country with her. She knew what would inevitably happen on that tour. She was only left waiting uneasily for it to happen.

Gradually, she felt his attraction to Jenny grow even more. He had found a connection with her that he could never have with Charity. Because unlike Charity, Jenny hadn’t been born into high society. And like Phineas, she knew what it was like to be viewed as an outsider.

She tried not to focus on them. She tried to avoid hearing their conversations, or seeing her sit cuddled up to her husband. But she couldn’t help it. Her mind made her find out what was happening, even though her heart didn’t want to know.

Charity waited anxiously for weeks to feel something other than Phineas’s feelings for Jenny. For something more to happen. Something more than a gentle touch or a heartfelt conversation. But she wasn’t prepared for the pain that it would cause when something more finally happened.

One night, she felt Jenny’s lips against hers. The kiss lasted for awhile, but eventually it broke.

“Goodnight, Phineas.” She heard Jenny tell him softly.

“Goodnight, Jenny.” He gave her another kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Charity felt a sharp pain in her chest as she sank to the floor crying. She may have taken Phillip’s knife out of her back, but Jenny had just put a new one in her heart. And in the nights to come, she would do nothing but twist it.

The next few nights, they followed their pattern of kissing goodnight and saying they loved each other. But every night, the kiss held on a little longer, and the declarations of love sounded more sincere.

One night, neither of them let go of the kiss. Instead, it only grew deeper as they started undressing each other. She heard Jenny let out a soft moan as Phineas started teasing her. She could feel the desire rising in Phineas.

Eventually, he laid Jenny down on the bed. Charity gasped as Phineas entered her. She focused on them, and soon she could see Jenny laying under Phineas. She was naked and her bright red hair was splayed out on the pillow beneath her. But she was just as beautiful as she was the night of the concert. And the look on her face was one of pure bliss and pleasure.

“Phineas,” she moaned. He kissed her again.

Charity found herself doing what she did when Phineas made love to Phillip. She reached up her dress and started touching herself, pretending that he was making love to her. She felt Jenny moan Phineas’s name into his mouth. She felt him moan Jenny’s back, but pretended he moaned hers.

When they were finished, she heard Phineas say what hurt her more than anything.

“I love you, Jenny.” He held her close to him and planted a soft kiss in her hair. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too. And I always will.” She pressed herself as close to him as she could and planted a kiss on his chest. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Charity cried herself to sleep, trying to ignore Phineas’s happiness. She couldn’t. Even if he didn’t seem to love her anymore, he was her soulmate. And he always would be.

*****

A few months later, Phineas came home defeated. The tour blew up in his face. Jenny kissed him onstage and he left. Then she quit.

Maybe Charity could have dealt with that. But Phineas had taken out a mortgage on the house to finance the tour without telling her. They were being evicted. And then the circus burned down. They had no money to rebuild it. They had nothing.

Charity couldn’t deal with all of it. She had left him. But of course he managed to convince her to come back. She knew deep down that she couldn’t fight it. He was her soulmate.

They rebuilt. The circus moved to a tent by the docks. They got their house back. But nothing would ever really be the same.

Phineas still slept with Phillip frequently. And he knew he missed Jenny. He hadn’t wanted to leave her, but he’d had to protect his reputation. He hadn’t seen Jenny since the tour, but she knew he wanted to. And if she ever wandered back into New York City, Charity knew Phineas would be with her again in a heartbeat.

Charity hated having to share Phineas, but she took a small comfort in the fact that even if she wasn’t his only lover, she was his only soulmate. It didn’t make it hurt any less to feel him sleeping with someone else though. Even though they still loved each other, she could feel the connection between them fade. He wasn’t only hers anymore and he never would be again. And it hurt more than anything that he had slipped away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that. I have another shorter fanfic idea that I’ll write, which will be out soon hopefully. Thanks for reading! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I wrote another chapter at the request of JennyxPTBarnum. This one is very short, but I hope you like it! :)

Charity felt Phineas continue to slip away over the next few months. And she felt the growing distance between them. She felt his feelings for Phillip continue to grow. And once in awhile, she felt his lingering sadness and longing for Jenny. To her knowledge, he had never heard from her since the tour. And she figured she’d feel it if he did. 

 

She tried her best to numb the feeling of Phineas’s emotions. The more she lingered on them, the more it hurt. And she was getting better at it. Until, one day, she felt an unusual string of emotions from him. 

 

First, it was an overwhelming sense of happiness, hope, and love. She felt the touch of a woman’s hand. As she tuned in, she heard a familiar voice. It was Jenny. She had come back to New York. And Phineas was every bit as excited as Charity had figured he would be. 

 

She tuned it out. She figured she didn’t want to hear or see what would happen next. But then his emotions took a sharp turn. The love didn’t fade, but the happiness and hope did. Sadness and jealousy took their place. Charity tuned back in. It took her a minute of listening, but she figured out what was going on. Jenny had a new boyfriend. They were only back in New York City for a visit. She had come by the circus, against her boyfriend’s wishes, to see Phineas. But she was only there to see how he was doing. She wasn’t interested in being with him again.

 

Charity felt Phineas’s heartbreak. And she couldn’t help but smile a bit. He deserved this. And maybe now, he could almost understand what Charity felt. He could almost understand what it felt like for someone you love to slip through your fingers. 

 

*****

 

Unfortunately, Phineas’s sense of jealousy and Charity’s sense of happiness soon faded. Phineas kept seeking out Jenny. And she kept letting him find her. And eventually, it put a strain on the relationship with her new boyfriend. He left her one night and went back to Sweden without her. And Jenny finally allowed herself to rekindle her affair with Phineas.

 

Charity knew it would happen. She saw it coming. But that didn’t make it hurt any less when one night, she felt Jenny’s lips against hers. She felt her hands make their way down Phineas’s body. She felt them undress each other. And she felt his pleasure as he finally made love to her. She didn’t want to hear them or see them, but she couldn’t help but instinctively do it. 

 

After they finished, Charity shut them out and cried herself to sleep. She’d heard him tell Jenny he loved her, and she could tell he meant it. He really loved her. 

 

That night, Charity felt herself let go of Phineas. She still loved him, and he was still her soulmate, but she forced herself to stop caring what he did. And as time went on, she got better at blocking out what he was feeling. After a few months, it got to the point where she had to focus to even feel his emotions. The deep connection they had once shared was gone. She had let it go. She had no choice.

 

He continued with his affairs with Phillip and Jenny. And she did the best she could to ignore his ever growing feelings for them. To ignore his pleasure from the countless nights he spent with them. And the more she ignored it, the better she got at it. 

 

Everything still hurt, as much as she tried to pretend it didn’t. Even not feeling him hurt. And sometimes, she would tune into him just to feel a sense of comfort, even if what he was doing would only hurt her more. Because she would rather hurt from feeling him than hurt from feeling nothing. Because the worst pain of all was feeling him slip away. And he had slipped away for good. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this really is the last chapter now. But I do have another short fanfic idea that I'll be starting soon. Thanks for reading! :)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed that. I'll have the second chapter out soon. Thanks for reading! :)


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